When Life hands you lemons… throw that shit out and poor yourself a scotch neat. You are not a freshman sorority girl. Drink your problems away like an adult…
1. You have too many language-specific names to keep up with. Vanessa? (English) Ru Yi? (Chinese) Farasha? (Arabic)
2. You know you should stop eating street food… but you can’t. I am 100% invincible… 70% of the time.
3. Smuggling your favorite products and snacks across international waters is a normal holiday ritual. I’ll take three bottles of my Agave hair serum and two kilos of Egg protein please!
4. After being sick so many times, you basically should have degree in medicine.
You have one job.
5. You’ve come to accept that anything and everything will probably get stolen at least once. … whatever.
6. You’ve probably dated/hooked up with someone a close friend use to date/hook up with in the past. We’re in a recession… it’s important to recycle.
7. You don’t “give directions” you draw treasure maps because Google Maps never updates properly. Take a left at the homeless man with the cat, but if you hit a baozi stand, you’ve gone to far.
8. Not-getting deported is a monthly or yearly struggle. I’m going back to university!… again…
9. Your friend circle communicates in a hybrid language composed of words from your native tongue and the local language. Shen me the fuck? (What the fuck?)
10. You don’t have time to keep in touch with everyone back home… but when you do, you don’t hold back. Tell me everything significant about your life since we last spoke… now.
11. You’ve given up on keeping up with national holidays back home. Since when did lent start?
12. There are constantly too many awesome things to do on the weekend! Everyone who’s anyone is going to this party… but I still want to see that somebody at this other rave… where did all my money go?
13. “Where are you from?” Worst. Question. Ever. If you’re from China… why are you Mexican?
14. When ever anyone new moves to town. Hi my name is Van… are you single?
15. You have no idea what city you’ll end up in permanently, but you have a rough idea it’ll be in… this general continent. Asia! Asia! Asia! Asia!
This post was brought to you by Friday’s Boracay! Thanks for having me while I was in the Philippines and giving me the relaxing environment I needed to write. Like them on Facebook and follow them on Twitter to keep on top of their hot deals! Cheers!
Vanessa Elizabeth is a cultural chameleon currently based in London. She enjoys sports (such as CrossFit and dating), cooking, and demolishing her savings account. When she's not busy blogging about her feelings, she works full-time and practices Chinese with her English/German friends.